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Juicy details, right? And sorry, no pictures. Maybe next time.

So, our new friend - P for Playmate - came over on a Wednesday night. Not ideal, but with hectic schedules on all parts it was a challenge to set up a first date. We'll try to be a bit more spontaneous going forward. We sat and chatted for well over an hour; really the boys did most of the chatting, which was fine with me. I wanted them to feel comfortable with each other, and they bonded pretty well. When it became apparent to me that time was marching on and we'd better get things rolling if any sex was going to be had, I got a bit giggly and nervous. Husband tried to get P onto the couch to canoodle with me, but that just felt weird, so I ordered everyone upstairs and into the bedroom. It just seemed easier to start out with what was familiar, so the husband and I lay on the bed making out for a while. P rubbed my ass, legs and thighs. They progressed to undressing me and each took a nipple to suck. This was one of the high points of a threesome I'd been looking forward to, but it was a bit disappointing - I think because I was tired and not really super-aroused. Having both nipples sucked simultaneously should have been hotter than it was. Maybe next time.

He had a nice cock, about seven inches with a large head and slight curve, and I was really looking forward to sucking a different cock for a change. I got on my hands and knees and my husband got behind me and started fucking, and I fell into the rhythm of his thrusts and used that motion to direct my sucking. I was plenty wet and didn't need any extra lube throughout the whole encounter.  That was the hottest part - feeling sandwiched between two men, two cocks in two wet holes. I felt just purely sexual, like an object being used for their pleasure but not at all in a negative way. Just fun and sexy and I wish it could have lasted longer. Both guys are pretty tall, with P being the tallest, so the positioning on the bed wasn't the greatest, and we have a small bedroom as well.

When I tried to turn around and have them swap places, the husband started losing his erection. It wasn't at all for lack of interest or any bad feeling on his part  - we discussed it at length afterwards - he was just tired as I was and not in a very sexual mood. I tried for a while to get him going again but the flagpole just wouldn't raise. He let P finish up by fucking me, which was very odd for me, being fucked by someone else after two years of only one man. His rhythm and style were completely different, and I could also feel the difference in the size of his cock. (Mental note - next time, let the guest go first!) It was strange not to look into the eyes of a partner during sex - I've grown so used to doing that, I've forgotten it's not something you normally do with a casual partner. He caught my eye once or twice and gave me an awkward smile. We only kissed a little bit, which I thought later was not very nice of me, and I will definitely kiss him more the next time - he had soft lips and a nice kiss.

Overall, it was worthwhile and we'll do it again. He was very hard throughout, and although not as vocal about his pleasure as my husband is (boy, did I realize how important that is to me, the vocal cues and feedback!) I could tell he enjoyed the experience. Next time I'll want to be more relaxed and anticipatory so I'll get more out of it as well.

Current Mood: contentcontent

Two years into the open marriage, and I finally get around to some extracurricular play of my own. Why did it take me so long? Lots of reasons. struggling to accept the state of our relationship, to begin with, and overcome all the fears and insecurities it brought out in me. Also, over the past year I've felt increasing pressure from the multitude of responsibilities I carry, and between my work and home tasks I often find it difficult to relax. My libido always declines a bit when I'm in a relationship, so that dissuaded me from looking for partners. And finally, I'm picky - I found a great man and a great lover, so why should I settle for something less? At the very least, I want play partners who I will like as people, and even be friends with; certainly not men that I'd want to kick out of bed as soon as it's over or with whom it is impossible to carry on a conversation.

I've suspected for quite a while that if I just got out there and did something, that it would make a significant difference in how I feel about the open relationship. I'd grown so accustomed to sex that was meaningful and intimate. Even in our most lustful, hot and dirty episodes, there's still that closeness and comfort, it never goes away. And that makes it hard to remember what casual sex is like; in memory it pales in comparison. Why would you want to have sex with someone you don't have feelings for, when sex with someone you have deep feelings for is so good?

But I'd had plenty of casual sex prior to meeting my husband, and damn if some of it wasn't outrageously good. And he's been saying forever that he WANTS me to have sex with other men, that he wants me to feel pleasure and enjoy the richness of experience, and he's turned on by the idea.  I, on the other hand, was pretty hung up on the fear about how I would feel - that it would be overwhelmingly emotional, or that I would feel dirty (in a bad way) and wrong for doing it.

I've been trying off and on to find a partner for a threesome. It seemed like the best way to begin - with my husband there I could see clear evidence that he accepts and approves of my behavior, and I would feel more comfortable starting off with him before moving on to someone else. It's taken months to find someone, though. A few false starts, a couple guys chickened out, there were some cancellations, but this past Wednesday night I had my first romp with another man in nearly two years to the day!

The story of the event itself, however, will have to come later....

Current Mood: lazylazy

I have never had an orgasm resulting from intercourse only. My entire sex life has consisted of orgasms from direct clitoral stimulation, usually my fingers, as the most reliable source, or a vibrator. Some lovers (my husband included) have been unable to make me come in any way, wit their fingers or via oral sex.

I've tried hard to accept it, and it hasn't always been easy. Some lovers have grumpily pointed out that I was the only woman they couldn't make come. But I know that, statistically speaking, women who can orgasm from intercourse alone are in the minority. Still, it's hard to not feel bad about yourself when the message you get the most is that you should be able to orgasm from intercourse. It's gotten to the point where I dislike reading erotica or sex blogs where women describe their orgasms, because I feel jealous and inferior. I love sex with my husband, and I get a lot of pleasure out of it, but for the ultimate release it's up to me to make it happen.

Until last Saturday night, that is.

We both were completely surprised and it took us a few seconds to realize that it had happened. We hadn't had sex in almost two weeks - first we just didn't feel like it, then I had my tubal ligation and really didn't feel like it, with the soreness, then my period started because I went off the pill. So it was a desperately needed session and we were both very, very aroused. He was at the end of his orgasm when I felt some more intense throbbing in my vagina, and at first I thought it was him, then a second later I realized, "Oh, that's me!" He felt it too and started thrusting again, and the spasms were stronger and there was no doubt about it - I'd actually come. There was nothing different this time really - same old missionary position, no toys or accessories involved - other than the level of arousal. As it ended I started sobbing, which I do sometimes anyway after orgasm and have kind of gotten used to as a side effect. We curled up together and marveled at what just happened.

Now that I think about it, there have been other times I've burst into tears without having had an orgasm, at the end of his orgasm - I wonder if I actually had orgasmed and it just wasn't strong enough for me to realize?

In any case, this is very interesting to me. We haven't replicated the event yet, and I'm trying not to raise my expectations about it, but it is comforting to know that it *is* possible, and I don't feel like a sexual imbecile quite as much as I used to. I do hope it gets to be a habit, though!

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

We have photos!

Wednesday night I had arranged for a new friend to come over and join my husband & I for some fun and frolic. Wouldn't you know, the guy chickened out and has disappeared. So to make up for our disappointment, we whipped out the camera and had a lovely time.  

Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied

 I really don't understand how my body works, or what triggers the flood of hormones that affect my sexual urges. Yesterday it came back again, after another dormant period - my libido, that is. I was enjoying sex; could do without it but was happy when I got it. But now I have that feeling again of being a sexual being, and I love it. I love being distracted by sexual fantasies at work. I love the awareness of my skin and my body, the desire for movement, especially if it's rubbing up against another warm body. I love the anticipation of a sexual experience being prominent in my mind. 

It started yesterday and has just kept growing. I sent my husband an email telling him to be ready for a blow job when we got home. We stood kissing in the den, and he opened his fly and placed his cock in my hand. I thought that was deliciously erotic, and dropped to my knees to suck his throbbing hard cock. It felt so good in my mouth, stretching my mouth wide and just rock hard. We ended up in bed with a good fuck, and stayed there for almost two hours, just holding each other and talking about sex.

Some things take a while to really sink in with me. I think I'm finally realizing that he truly is comfortable with the idea of me fucking someone else, and it won't damage our relationship in any way; and that he truly *wants* me to do it if it would give me pleasure. And I'm finally confident enough in our relationship to really trust that the open aspect won't destroy us. That we both are really as devoted to each other as we tell each other we are.

I'm looking for adventures. My goal for the coming months is to take more pictures, and to make my threesome fantasy come true. That, I think, will really break through the barrier of reflexive guilt and help me separate love and sex enough to be able to enjoy the freedom my husband wants me to enjoy.

Pictures ... yes, I know, these posts are useless without pictures. We'll see what we can do about that. ;-)


Current Mood: mischievousmischievous

Bah... I got married.

We actually talked about it on our honeymoon. D says that he'd rather have the basic yet intimate and somewhat infrequent sex that we've been having lately, over the fun, explorative, playful and erotic adventures we used to have.

Bah to that as well.

I love the man dearly, else I wouldn't have married him. And when we have sex, it's good, it's satisfying, it scratches the itch. For the past few months I've developed the tendency to burst into tears after orgasm, which in a way is a testimony to the intimacy level we have - orgasm is even more of an emotional release than ever, and it's because of how close and open we are with each other that it can be that way for me.

But I miss, terribly, the adventures. I miss taking pictures. I miss creating erotic moments that make good stories. I miss the got-to-have-you-now way we would return to the bedroom time after time during our weekends together. 

All the responsibilities of home ownership, living together, marriage, jobs, and so forth just sap the erotic energy right out of us.  His libido has been up and down lately, as has been mine, and though I might entertain the thought of kneeling down to suck him off the moment he gets out of the shower, usually I'm already in bed and half asleep before he gets to that point.

We're not procreating - no interest or inclination in that direction. I'm actually going to get a tubal ligation so we can stop the bother of birth control. We've even agreed to an open relationship, which he has taken advantage of a few times, though I haven't. He's still the only man I really get the hots for - we just don't seem to have the gumption to make it hot anymore.

Any advice?

Current Mood: crankycranky

... and my libido, long idle, is back in full force. It's very odd.

D and I moved in together when I bought a house in February. That also was the coldest month of this past winter, and it's an old, solid brick house, and trying to conserve energy we kept the heat turned down low. Also we couldn't fit my queen-size box spring up the stairwell, so for almost a month we were sleeping on the living room floor. Now, all this might sound cozy and snuggly, but it's not - wearing two to three layers of clothing under three quilts does not lead to a very exciting sex life.

Even when things got more settled, we seemed to have fallen into a bad pattern - sex was only happening maybe once or twice a week, more on weekends if we were lucky, but mostly very routine, doing the same things to each other, and frequently with the lights out. It was a huge difference from our old, pre-house sex life, and I was aware of the difference, but not sure why it was happening or what to do about it. We were both tired a lot, much busier than usual, and needing more time to ourselves in addition to all the work on the house, cars, yard, etc. 

Last Tuesday evening, D seduced me with much more gusto than usual. It was nice to experience his aggression after such a long while. We were basking in the afterglow when he popped out some news - he had fulfilled a fantasy recently of sleeping with an older woman. The previous Friday, in fact.

I can't avoid the tired cliche - I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. It was totally, completely unexpected. I hadn't suspected a thing when he'd gone out that Friday. I didn't know he had been chatting with any women or actively pursuing other women. We had talked off and on about having an open relationship, but I'd never completely assented to such an arrangement, and kept telling him I needed more time to get used to the idea of sharing him with other women, and to build confidence that such sharing wouldn't hurt our relationship or break us up altogether. I just assumed he would be monogamous until I told him I was ready. So to find out he wasn't was pretty hard to deal with.

I sulked and moped and felt sorry for myself for two days. We talked a lot but didn't seem to get anywhere. Thursday evening I had gone to bed early, and he was in the next room on his computer, and I woke up to hear him chuckling and making little grunts of pleasure, and it just burned me. I said some nasty things to him and was curled up in bed sobbing when he came in to talk to me. I don't know what was different about that talk, but he finally got through to me that he really, really had not intended to hurt me, that he truly did not want to do anything that would hurt our relationship, but that he also wanted the freedom to play with other women from time to time, and that such a thing means absolutely no harm to our relationship. He will always come home to me, he will always put my sexual needs first, and he will always love me and cherish our relationship over any others. Anything else is truly just sex - something different, but not the emotional and intimate connection that we have together. And he wanted me to have the same freedom, if I wanted it, to play with other men, because he trusts me and knows I love him completely, and besides, it would turn him on to know other men were enjoying my talents.

And just like that, the switch turned back on. Since then my libido has been in full force, and I realized how much I missed it. I hardly ever thought about sex, felt no anticipation for sex, and I missed that part of myself. I enjoyed what we did, but it wasn't exciting to me and I frequently had to use additonal lube. The past several days I've been aroused so easily, and so wet during sex, that it just amazes me.

And yes, I'm looking for other playmates. But more on that some other time. I'm just glad to have the old, sexy Alice back.

It's been a while... but they were all wrapped up and pretty looking, so we had to take some pics...

D declared me the Best Girlfriend in the World today.  Why?  Because I gave him a blow job that lasted almost the entire fourth quarter of the Bengals vs. Chiefs game today.

I was actually a bit worried that I was annoying him with my horniness today.  My period is imminent, and my hormones were way out of control. He'd fucked me three times before noon and I was satisfied for a while, but midway through the game I started getting that feeling again... my skin becomes more sensitive, I notice little things like the way the fabric of my top brushed against my nipples, and I find myself stroking whatever area of skin is within reach. We started necking during commercials and he promised me he'd fuck me again when the game is over, so to make sure he kept his promise I knelt on the floor in front of the couch and amused myself with his cock. How many other men got a blowjob with their ball games today?  ;-)

But the best part of the weekend was actually the orgasm I had. I don't come from someone else touching me very often - I don't have vaginal orgasms at all, and it can be difficult to get the right stimulation of my clit from a partner. We've been working on this together and I try not to get too frustrated about it. So, the long blow job had definitely gotten me hot and very we, and when the game was over we did return to the bedroom and I asked to be stroked for a while before he fucked me. I was just thinking he'd play with my nipples for a bit, and that was all I wanted really, but his hand eventually slid down between my legs, and he was fingering my clit so perfectly. It's hard for me to describe to my partners the best way to rub my clit, and even demonstrations don't work very well because I tend to rub very fast when I masturbate... But he was hitting it just the right way, coming up from the bottom and pushing under the hood for direct contact with my clit, somewhat similar to the "come hither" motion that is recommended for g-spot stimulation. 

And all the while he was tongue-ing one nipple and pinching the other, and I was writhing like crazy, until I realized that if I could bear to keep still he really was going to make me come. Difficult as it was, I kept my hips stable and he kept hitting the right spot, and I could feel that spread of heat that starts from my clit and moves across my vulva, and deep into my vagina, that signals the approach of orgasm. I fet my vaginal muscles clench, and clench harder than I expected, and I caught and held my breath as I usually do when I clamp down just before the total orgasmic release. And I exploded, hips lifting off the bed, and he stayed with me, and kept flicking my clit with his fingertips, giving me more intense spasms than I usually have, until I had to push his hand away when the intensity became unbearable. I was fiercely ticklish for almost a minute afterwards, and deleriously spent. 

No one has ever made me come like that. I'm not sure if *I* have ever made myself come like that. Yet another reason why I adore this man.

Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied

I do have some fascination with breast bondage. This is the about as far as I've gone, though. (X-posted to big_boob_show)

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